Single, 45 and loving it

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I am a single woman. I love being single.  I’m a 45-year-old woman who is single and finds it to be more amazing than married life ever was.

But, a lot of people in society find that THEY have an issue with me being single, as well as other single women.   I remember when my divorce happened that my mother told me that I would find someone else and that I’d be happy.

Well, I love you, Mom; but, I’m perfectly happy being single.

I love the freedom of it. I love the fact that my house is mine and I don’t have to share with anyone.

Wait, maybe I’m a 45-year-old with the mentality of a two-year-old?  Hmmmm, nah!

The very idea that I love being single stumps a lot of people.  They will say something like, “You just haven’t found the right person, yet.”  True, Carol.  But I”m also not looking.

Being single is amazing.  I travel by myself, I eat out by myself, I go to movies by myself.  I have an autonomy that is liberating and empowering and allows me to make decisions that are not impinging on anyone else. I don’t have to ask for permission or justify why I do anything: why I’m late, why I’m not home at the usual time, why I spent whatever money I spent.  I support myself, I go to school, I do my thing.  And I love it.

I have come to a realization lately that is even more freeing:  I don’t want to be with anyone.  Do I miss cuddling or sex?  Well, the cuddling more than the sex.  Not that I don’t like sex. I definitely do.  But, there is no shortage of that in my life and if I had more time, I would be able to have more sex.  I sometimes miss the cuddling, but not enough to find someone to tie myself to for a relationship.

I recently went on a cruise by myself, a full week of hanging out in the East Caribbean.  I didn’t share a room with anyone, could watch whatever I wanted on the television and was able to take a whole week to recharge and do what I wanted, when I wanted. It was amazing.  I needed that week of being able to isolate myself, if I wanted to, or interact with who I wanted to interact with.  I can’t wait to go again.

I recently read an article about a documentary that was made about being single in the world.  The women that made the documentary pinpointed why they felt sad about being single and they said it came down to “messaging.”  They said, and I totally am summarizing here, that women get two messages.  The first is that they can do anything and the second is that they will not be complete until they have a partner and a family.

These were the messages that I was fed as I was growing up.  Society and, to some extent, my parents made it clear that I could be whatever I wanted to be, but I would never be a “complete woman” until I had married and had children.

My biggest regret is that I bought into the second part of that message.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my boys. I worked hard to be the best mother I could be and they have grown into amazing young men.  I just wish that I had had the gumption to stand up and say, “I don’t want to be married and I’m on the fence about children.”  I know that sounds horrible and it’s even harder to write.  As much as I love my children, I wish I would have waited a little longer to have them.  To have gotten my life together a little bit before I embarked on the journey of forming little humans into productive members of society.

I think that it is high time that society, and individuals, stop telling women that they need to be partnered up and have children to be fulfilled and whole women.  Women are whole people all by themselves and single life can be incredibly fulfilling.  And, after my marriage, I can definitely attest to the fact that being single and making your way through the world is much better than being attached to a partner that doesn’t support you or your dreams.

So, for all of those young women out there, buck the system and make your way into the world that is best for you.  Don’t feel like you have to have children to be happy or fulfilled. If you are called to be a mother or a wife or a partner, then you do you and be happy.  But, if you feel that you are happier unattached or in an informal relationship or just want a fun smash every so often and you have FWBs that can fulfill that for you, then do you and be happy.

We women need to stop letting society dictate to us how we should live our lives to be happy.  These lives are ours and we are the only ones that should be defining how we are living our best lives.

Single, married, divorced, polyamorous, bisexual, lesbian, butch, trans – however you want to live your life, beautiful woman, live it.

You only get one life and it’s too damn short to live it to other people’s expectations.

Mensez, Periods, and Shame

Why is it that men think that they can create products for women without a basic understanding of female anatomy?  Why do they think that they can comment on things that they have no clue about?

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Take for instance this guy who felt that women should not get free feminine hygiene products because they should “learn to control their bladders.”

Then we have this guy who has created a new product called Mensez.  What does Mensez do, you ask?  Well, let’s see what the website says:

Mensez is a new patented IDEA!!! For feminine health. Mensez is a proprietary cleaning formula that is designed to clean and freshen without removing natural glandular secretions that are natural mucoadhesives. Those mucoadhesives cause the labia to hold together and retain menstrual fluids and vaginal secretions inside in the same location that a tampon would retain them. The mucoadhesive seal releases when you urinate or bath. Mensez will keep you cleaner and fresher on the outside so nothing feels damp sticky on your skin, hair or clothing, so there is no sensation of stretching or pulling with normal active lifestyle.

So after bathing or urinating wipe with Mensez Feminine Wipes and you are done, safe and secure, never be surprised at the worst possible time, and it’s better for the environment….

So, let me get this straight.  You have created a product that will allow our labia to stick together to act as a kind of cup for menstrual blood?  I know that this is crazy and would not work for everyone; but, when this was brought up to the male creator, he had this to say:

…in a response to one visitor’s comment on the Mensez Facebook page, in which he explained that “[Y]ou as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be. Women tend to be far more creative than men, but their periods that [sic] stifle them and play with their heads.” 

Yes, he actually said that and you can find the full article from Forbes right here.

Can anyone here say “misogyny?”

Do men think that women like dealing with bleeding at least 12 weeks a year?  That we enjoy having to remember to bring along “plugs and diapers” so that we don’t bleed all over our clothes?  That we enjoy cramps and bloating and sensitive boobs and hormones getting all whacked out EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH?

Do you think that we enjoy working when we don’t feel well?  Or that we enjoy being shamed, like this woman was, for being at work on her period?

Last, but not least, do you think we women give a damn if you men think that our periods are gross or that we should be cast to a yurt and treated as unclean during our periods?

Let me answer that question for you, because I don’t really give a damn about your answer.  Our answer is “no.”  A resounding “no,” full of the voices of the women that came before us that were taught that we were unclean and should be ashamed of having our periods.  A resounding “no” for every young girl who has started her period at school, unprepared, and been made to feel embarrassed about it. A resounding “no” for every woman who has been accused of being on her period and “moody” when she dared to stand up for what she believed in.

Our periods are what enable us to create life in our bodies, if we should choose to do so.  Without that, we don’t have children, which it seems that many men put a lot of stock in so that their genes can be carried on to the next generation.  Guess what, guys who are squeamish?  You can’t do that without a woman that has a period and all of the anatomy that goes with that.

Women have a period.  Period.

It’s time to stop letting men define how we have our periods or how we deal with them. It’s time to stop allowing ourselves to be shamed for a period when this is just how evolution has made us. It’s time for us to stop feeling like we need to apologize for something that we can’t control.  It’s time for women to stand up to people who want to shame us for these things, man or woman, and tell them to STFU.

There is no shame in being a woman and we should not allow anyone to shame us for standing up for ourselves and what we need and want.

Do you, boo, however that looks and whatever it means for you.  Be your true and honest self. Do whatever you want.

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