Single, 45 and loving it


I am a single woman. I love being single.  I’m a 45-year-old woman who is single and finds it to be more amazing than married life ever was.

But, a lot of people in society find that THEY have an issue with me being single, as well as other single women.   I remember when my divorce happened that my mother told me that I would find someone else and that I’d be happy.

Well, I love you, Mom; but, I’m perfectly happy being single.

I love the freedom of it. I love the fact that my house is mine and I don’t have to share with anyone.

Wait, maybe I’m a 45-year-old with the mentality of a two-year-old?  Hmmmm, nah!

The very idea that I love being single stumps a lot of people.  They will say something like, “You just haven’t found the right person, yet.”  True, Carol.  But I”m also not looking.

Being single is amazing.  I travel by myself, I eat out by myself, I go to movies by myself.  I have an autonomy that is liberating and empowering and allows me to make decisions that are not impinging on anyone else. I don’t have to ask for permission or justify why I do anything: why I’m late, why I’m not home at the usual time, why I spent whatever money I spent.  I support myself, I go to school, I do my thing.  And I love it.

I have come to a realization lately that is even more freeing:  I don’t want to be with anyone.  Do I miss cuddling or sex?  Well, the cuddling more than the sex.  Not that I don’t like sex. I definitely do.  But, there is no shortage of that in my life and if I had more time, I would be able to have more sex.  I sometimes miss the cuddling, but not enough to find someone to tie myself to for a relationship.

I recently went on a cruise by myself, a full week of hanging out in the East Caribbean.  I didn’t share a room with anyone, could watch whatever I wanted on the television and was able to take a whole week to recharge and do what I wanted, when I wanted. It was amazing.  I needed that week of being able to isolate myself, if I wanted to, or interact with who I wanted to interact with.  I can’t wait to go again.

I recently read an article about a documentary that was made about being single in the world.  The women that made the documentary pinpointed why they felt sad about being single and they said it came down to “messaging.”  They said, and I totally am summarizing here, that women get two messages.  The first is that they can do anything and the second is that they will not be complete until they have a partner and a family.

These were the messages that I was fed as I was growing up.  Society and, to some extent, my parents made it clear that I could be whatever I wanted to be, but I would never be a “complete woman” until I had married and had children.

My biggest regret is that I bought into the second part of that message.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my boys. I worked hard to be the best mother I could be and they have grown into amazing young men.  I just wish that I had had the gumption to stand up and say, “I don’t want to be married and I’m on the fence about children.”  I know that sounds horrible and it’s even harder to write.  As much as I love my children, I wish I would have waited a little longer to have them.  To have gotten my life together a little bit before I embarked on the journey of forming little humans into productive members of society.

I think that it is high time that society, and individuals, stop telling women that they need to be partnered up and have children to be fulfilled and whole women.  Women are whole people all by themselves and single life can be incredibly fulfilling.  And, after my marriage, I can definitely attest to the fact that being single and making your way through the world is much better than being attached to a partner that doesn’t support you or your dreams.

So, for all of those young women out there, buck the system and make your way into the world that is best for you.  Don’t feel like you have to have children to be happy or fulfilled. If you are called to be a mother or a wife or a partner, then you do you and be happy.  But, if you feel that you are happier unattached or in an informal relationship or just want a fun smash every so often and you have FWBs that can fulfill that for you, then do you and be happy.

We women need to stop letting society dictate to us how we should live our lives to be happy.  These lives are ours and we are the only ones that should be defining how we are living our best lives.

Single, married, divorced, polyamorous, bisexual, lesbian, butch, trans – however you want to live your life, beautiful woman, live it.

You only get one life and it’s too damn short to live it to other people’s expectations.